Adventure Guide Brigham: How to Do a Day Trip

Utah has plenty to offer the adventurous, especially those willing to make a 2-3 hour drive, but a lot of people can get hung up on the details just getting out the door.  What these people don't realize though, is that not only do you not need an outline, a lot of money, gear, or even know where they're going to have a great day trip, that stuff can just drag you down.  The first step is getting your butt out the door.

RULE 1 
YOU DON'T NEED A PLAN, JUST THE WILL
John Lennon sang "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."  Planning is a waste of time, because the universe doesn't give a shit about your plans.  Peruse your options, consider the possibilities and figure out what you're actually going to do on the way there based on your impulses.  The pivotal moment is getting out the door and out on the road.  You don't even need to know where you're going.  Just go!

RULE 2 
WHATEVER IS FORGOT CAN BE BOUGHT
This one is vital.  Don't slow yourself down trying to not forget anything.  Just grab a few basic essentials and go!  There are really only a few things you actually must have going out the door, and that's your wallet (or other such card/cash/identification holder), your phone, and any prescription medications if applicable.  If anything else you'll want to have is already packed or easily grabbed on your way out the door, that's fine, but don't let it get in the way of your leaving in a timely manner.  If you're already on the road and you realize there's something you really needed, there are plenty of stores and gas stations that sell just those sorts of things for travelers and you can pick it up along the way.

RULE 3 
DON'T STOP TO EAT (UNLESS IT'S THE POINT)
Eating can be one of the true highlights of a trip, even a day trip, especially when you find just the right unassuming local restaurant specializing in greasy burgers, but unless you're making a major point of eating somewhere special or having a rest at the end of your outdoor activities before driving home, you don't want to lose daylight sitting in a restaurant.  Even breakfast before leaving takes up precious time, so I might just grab a sleeve of Ritz crackers and piece of fruit on my way out the door to eat while I drive, and for lunch and/or dinner, I'll grab a Lenny & Larry's Complete Cookie whatever gas station I stop to fill the tank and empty the bladder.

RULE 4 
DRIVE FAST (BUT WATCH FOR COPS, YOU SCOFFLAW)
No one drives the speed limit on Utah's back roads (let alone the interstate), and, excuse my Latin for 'slow,' but doing so will only make you look retarded.  Even on the notorious stretch of US-6 between Spanish Fork and Green River, going 10 mph over the limit through winding canyons, you're liable to get passed by pickup trucks with overly bright lights.  But 10 mph over the limit will do it on most rural roads (15 mph over is reasonable on some), however, just because literally everyone does it, doesn't mean police cars won't pull you over and slap you with a hefty fine anyway.  If you do see a police car though, before they've turned their lights on and come after you, it isn't too late; just give those brakes a good tap.  It doesn't matter if you're conspicuous and the officer saw you speeding before, as long as you slow yourself down approximately to the speed limit, it's highly unlikely they'll bother with you.  However, if you take I-70 through the long, lonely and mostly uninhibited San Rafael Swell between Salina and Green River, it's rare that you'll drive by any police cars anyway, although you'll really want to pump the brakes on some of those curves, lest you make an impromptu skydiving attempt into a remote canyon.

RULE 5 
HYDRATE
I try to have a backpack full of water bottles in my car all the time.  It doesn't matter if its cold, it all hydrates the same.  If it's really important to you to have your water cold (maybe because you're a princess), you can always buy a bottled drink or two from a gas station and throw in the pack with your pre-packed water, and that cools it all down a bit.  I actually have a gallon bottle of water and smaller, more convenient canteen of water, so I can go on an impromptu hike anytime, even if I was out and about doing something else completely.  Of course, this water isn't for drinking in the car like some sort of barbarian, except in an emergency.  Water is for when you need to drink.  If you want a drink, grab a soda fountain drink at a gas station.  I bought a cheap-ass 44 oz. plastic cup at the Gas N Go in Green River for a couple bucks, and now I can refill it at any Gas N Go station for a penny an ounce.  I'll drink a gallon of highly caffeinated diet soda going between Spanish Fork and Moab for just $1.44.  It's awesome.

RULE 6 
HAVE A ROSTER OF LISTENABLE MATERIAL
You're going to want something to engage your brain for that 3+ hour drive, unless you have friends or family who are decent conversationalists and like you enough to go with you but not slow you down.  Personally, I like to have about 8-15 hours of podcasts, an audio book or two, and a specially designed music playlist.  Obviously, you don't want to spend time downloading all this stuff when you're trying to get out the door, so I recommend stocking up.  You'll want a variety; personal interest-based discussions, news shows, comedy, historical topics, etc.  Long form podcasts are especially good, so you don't have to worry too much about switching around.  Some of my favorites are Film Junk (reasonably informed but unpretentious movie discussions with a humorous hangout vibe that typically ranges in length from 2-3.5 hours, covering multiple topics) and Hardcore History (one-man in-depth, human experience and philosophical question-based history talk show that rarely runs less than 3 hours), but I'll also mix in a variety of public radio news shows (as politically neutral as possible, because I don't want someone telling me what to think about politics, especially while I'm driving).

RULE 7 
CLOCKS ARE FOR ASSHOLES
These kinds of things are all about freedom, and trying to follow a schedule will just stress you out.  The bane of my existence (well, one of them) is Google Maps trying to tell me the estimated time of arrival, because I don't freakin' want to know.  As soon as I hear those words, "You are on the fastest route, you will arrive at..."  I yell "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU BITCH!" and you know what?  It works.  I don't want to know what time I'm getting there, and when I'm on my way back, I'll generally avoiding looking at the clock as well, because who needs to feel bad about how late it's getting?  All you need to know is if there's still daylight so you can milk it for all it's worth.

RULE 8 
KNOW YOUR ROUTE
You don't need to know exactly where you're going, but it's important to have some idea of how you're getting to wherever it is that you don't know where you're going.  Large sections of Utah's most enticing playgrounds are in the middle of cellular service deserts, so if you don't have a printed map and you don't have an established sense of the area you're headed to, use the map app of your choice to get yourself started.  If your route involves lots of turns, you can't get any cell service, and you might have trouble finding your way back, stop to take pictures of a sign or prominent feature to remind you which way you should return.  Most places have more than one way in or out, but some ways are more efficient and well-traveled.  Always take the more traveled route, because if your car breaks down or you experience some other kind of mishap, it isn't fair to not let other people see it happen and feel superior to you.  Also, be aware that if you're headed east early in the morning or west in the evening, the sun will be trying to burn the corneas right out of your eyes, and the sun visor will only do so much when you're driving up and down hills.  Interstate 70 through the San Rafael Swell is beautiful, but if you're headed back through from Green River or Moab at sunset, you won't be able to see any of it, or the other cars, with the sun staring you dead in the face.

RULE 9
DON'T DRIVE HORNY
Just don't.  It will cause problems.